Fifteen years ago I ran for my life. I was a child, just 15 years old, but I became an adult that day as I experienced the evil that humans could inflict on each other. Thankfully, along with that evil, I also experienced how amazingly kind humans could be.
Half my life ago, I experienced true violence for the first time. I became less trusting of strangers and more cautious about where I was and what was going on around me. I was changed. And yet, I've done so much in the last 15 years. I've done things that some of my classmates didn't get to do because they were gunned down.
I graduated high school and graduated college. I've been supported by my amazing parents. I've loved and been loved. I got married to a wonderful man and gained a family that I love as much as my own. I've become a homeowner twice and had a career as an editor. I started my own bakery business that is growing. I've had dreams, some that have come to pass, and some that haven't. I've made friends and lost others. I've retained my friendship with my best friend who hid for her life 15 years ago, and I value that friendship so much as we totally understand each other. I've lost both of my grandparents and have met my wonderful baby cousin and get to meet another one in the summer. I've been a dog mom, pursued my passions, and I've traveled throughout the world. I've celebrated birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. I've done so many things that other people I walked the halls with didn't ever have a chance to do. Not everything I've done in the past 15 years has been fun or enjoyable, but I've lived.
I'd like to say that I've thanked God every single day for saving me, but I'm not here to lie. I am extremely thankful, but the memories fade and life gets busy. I can only pray that he knows how thankful I am, even when things are hard and messy. I will never say FML or ask God why is my life so bad because I know how close I came to not being here. If it had happened on April 19th, I wouldn't be here as I ate lunch outside that day. If I had been more dedicated to my newspaper class and assignment, I would have been in the library on April 20th during lunch. If their plan would have worked, I would have been blown up in the cafeteria or shot as I was fleeing the explosion. There are so many things that could have happened to all of us, and I am thankful that so many of us were saved.
The older I get, the more I realize that we were just kids. At 15, you think you're pretty hot stuff and you're practically an adult. But looking back at pictures, we were so young and innocent...until we weren't. We were at the critical age where we were truly influenced by that experience, and it changed my life. I pray that no one has to go through that ever, but unfortunately it has happened time and time again. I have no solutions on how to prevent that, but it seems to me that people need help. If they see shooting innocent people trying to live their daily life as a great idea, they need help.
From this day forward, more of my life will have been affected by the shooting than less of it. I will know violence for more of my life, and that makes me sad. It's also incredible that it was half of my life ago and I can remember it like it was yesterday. What I was wearing, where I was, what I was doing and thinking and seeing.
In the last year, my husband's family came to visit us, and we were talking about how our utility box is on the outside of our house. That makes me nervous, and I said that I occasionally worried that someone could cut our power and then murder us. They looked at me (rightfully so) like I was crazy, and I realized that most people don't think about the bad things that could happen. Maybe this is because of what I went through or maybe I'm just paranoid, but I know that bad things can happen in "safe" places.
So this week especially, I'm going to be thankful that I survived and was able to experience so much in the past 15 years. I'm thankful to my family and my friends, both old and new, who have supported me and called, texted, emailed, or messaged to make sure I'm doing ok on anniversaries or when something similar happens. I'm going to be sad for the children who didn't get to live full lives as well as their families whose time was cut short with their loved ones.
I'm going to be thankful that God saved my life, and I'm going to try to live my life to the fullest in honor of those who couldn't.
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When I started She Makes and Bakes over a year ago, it was because I needed to share my love of food with others. I had plans to open a bakery in North Carolina, and those plans didn't work for various reasons. My home bakery in Colorado wasn't going well, and I needed something. I needed to talk with people who understood my love of food (and who reciprocated it!). I started it one day when I had an extremely slow day at work, and it's been fantastic for so many amazing reasons.
However, I have given this a lot of thought, and I've decided to give the blog a break for awhile. I hope to come back to it, but I need to find a better balance in my life right now. Yes, the blog is a ton of work, but it is a lot of fun, too. Since I'm trying to start up a new business, I need to re-evaluate my priorities and not neglect more important things in my life. So, I'm taking a break. I'm sad. I'll miss all of you, but I'll still be following your blogs. If you don't have a blog for me to follow, please drop me a line and let me know how you're doing. I'll miss you all, and I hope to get back to posting recipes soon. Thanks for reading what I've been doing so far. It's much appreciated! With love, Emily 1. "If you don't try then you can't learn." I truly believe you should try everything in the kitchen and learn from mistakes and those around you. Generally the worst that happens is you have to throw something away. These people at least have tried, and their results are horrible and funny. Like putting cookies on a plastic sheet to bake. I love seeing food fails! 2. We finally got to use this beast of a mixer a couple of weeks ago. In there is 15 batches of sugar cookies. It was incredible how much time was saved with this bad boy. Can't wait to use it more! 3. Did you all have a good Valentine's Day? We were busy! And then it snowed. Since my husband plows snow, it meant that I watched Grey's Anatomy and drank some wine by myself. Not a bad night. 4. Can we talk about Grey's Anatomy for a second? Any of you watch? Did you watch Thursday's episode? The scene where April is talking to Avery while he performs liposuction was pretty disgusting because of the SOUND EFFECTS. I'm sorry, but I don't not need to hear the fat getting sucked out of someone. It was nausea inducing. I have a hard enough time creaming shortening and butter and listening to the fat swirl around the bowl. 5. I don't know what was up with their sound effects that night, but why could you hear the rain and the thunder inside the building? Those must be some shoddy windows and walls if you can hear rain loudly inside the building...when you're not even standing next to the window. Plus, does it thunder a lot in Seattle? 6. Phew. I'm glad I got that off my chest. Obviously everything else about that show is very realistic. 7. Why yes, I do like watching TV, a lot. Thanks for asking. Have you seen The Following on Fox? That show makes me sweat because it's so intense! And The Americans on FX?? The night after we first watched that, we both dreamed that we were in Russia and the KGB was chasing us. How do we both have the same dream?? 8. If this doesn't make you smile, I'm not sure what will. Why didn't I think of that when I had a bunny rabbit pet as a kid?? Named Muffin. I was destined to be a baker. 9. Ever wonder how to handle text messages from a wrong number? These are some pretty funny examples! Actually, I'm not sure that I've ever had a text from a wrong number, but if I do, I'll know how to reply! 10. This little crocus made me very happy yesterday! It's color. Outside! It's life and growth and sunshine. Maybe spring is coming after all! Shorts and flip flops are just around the corner...of a long wall.
Why yes, that is 5.5 pounds of Callebaut chocolate chips on the parking lot next to the car.
I cried a little inside. Not because it was a waste of money or because I had to buy a new bag (thankfully the store replaced it) but because that is amazeballs chocolate that is gone. Forever. The bag split, and I actually screeched when that happened and the chocolate started spilling everywhere. I screeched. Out loud. For all to hear. And I don't care. I went to a restaurant supply store today with my business partner, and we were in heaven for about 2 hours. It was pure joy. The restaurant supply stores that I've been to previously have been super fun with their bakery boxes and frosting tips and measuring cups, but this one was different. This one was food based, and I loved looking at everything and dreaming about the possibilities. It was like Sam's Club on crack. Delicious crack. One of my favorite purchases was a 50 pound bag of cake flour! I didn't know it was possible to get it in large batches without making your own. That's going to save us so much time and money!! Happy dance. I almost felt like grabbing her hands and jumping up and down in a circle. In other news, I realize that I am a freak of nature. But that's ok. I'm completely fine with it. In fact, I'm pretty thrilled! 1. This little guy lost his man card today when I had to blow dry his fur after his bath because he was shivering uncontrollably. High maintenance much? He has zero street cred! Good thing he's cute.
2. Speaking of cute, the big pup looks pretty dang cute in the corner, too. 3. Check out this poor little penguin. Yikes! I would not want that to be my last view on earth. 4. Have you checked out my exciting news?? 1. So last Saturday was the playoff game and the Broncos lost. Tear. In double overtime. Shiver. Jack Ingram sang the National Anthem, and his version is absolutely amazing. It's the second time he sang it at a game this year, and it makes me feel very patriotic. This video isn't from the games I've been to but you get the idea. 2. I had a dream last night where there was an alternate world that I knew about that included unfriendly family members and a Joe Flacco Broncos quarterback. It made me uneasy when I got up this morning. 3. I was watching Leno a few weeks ago, and Jennifer Lawrence was being interviewed. Apparently she's a Honey Boo Boo fan, which made her rear end someone while she was driving. It's pretty ridiculous. 4. This is the funniest thing I've watched all week, and I've watched it a few times. Bad lip reading is where it's at. Especially when it comes to football players and coaches. Use froggy voice. Ham bone. 5. I made a lot of cupcakes this week! Yum!! I should have eaten some. 6. I also made cinnamon rolls, and they exploded. Still quite taste though.
1. In the past week, I have made over five dozen vanilla cupcakes in the hunt for the perfect high-altitude vanilla cupcake. The winner was the first recipe I printed but the last recipe I tried. Of course. I should have known! 2. Dog shaming. Have you seen it? It's perfection. My lab's picture would say I like to eat snow and then I puke a bucket-sized amount because my old stomach can't handle the temperature difference anymore. But I will eat snow every time I see it because I don't have to clean it up. Ha! (punk) 3. My spaniel's picture would say I fart loudly when I jump on furniture or go up stairs. It propels me. (weirdest dog ever) 4. My husband's would say...oh wait. Nevermind. The dogs are cute though. Thank God they have that going for them. 5. You know how I've been whining about setting up my new computer and Windows 8? Well, I'll try to refrain when I have to do it all. over. again. The screen has these red marks on it that apparently multiply daily (hourly?? every minute??) and eventually my screen will be full of them and I won't be able to see anything else. Awesome. So I'm getting a new computer and have to set everything up again. 6. In other news, I'm going to invest in a winery because I think I need to start drinking a lot more. So that I don't whine as much. 7. Oh and talk about a cluster when I went in to a big box store (that I won't name but starts with a B and ends with est Buy) to get this figured out. The verdict? I had to BUY a new computer so that I wasn't without a computer for a week. When I asked if they could transfer all my stuff over to the new computer, they said they charged $80 for that service. Oh geez...hold me back! It's great that I can be nice on the outside and be super sarcastic and mean on the inside and no one knows. I think. Hopefully my face doesn't give me away. 8. I went for my first run this week since Thanksgiving, and I didn't pass out. Hooray! I don't, however, have any plans for running again anytime soon. 9. I hate these "prove you're not a spammer" things with a passion. Seriously. Passionate hatred. Especially when I get it wrong and then I have to do it again. 10. Over Christmas break we watched a comedy show with the brilliant comics Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, and Larry the Cable Guy. This bit on Jeff Foxworthy's colonoscopy is pretty. dang. funny. It gets really good around 2 minutes if you don't want to watch/listen to the whole thing. Pretty high-quality video, which I think could be ordered to be taken down in mere minutes, so if it doesn't work search for Jeff Foxworthy colonoscopy. It's totally worth it, especially if you've had one or know anyone who's had one.
11. Pray for my appendages tomorrow as I'm sitting in 15 degree weather for 4 hours. I'm worried about my toes. But....Go Broncos! 12. Champ Bailey called the house today to remind us to wear orange to the game tomorrow. Sorry, Champ, but I don't have an orange coat. I'm going for warmth, not color. I'll be loud for ya though! 1. Uh oh. It's my first week of being unemployed, and I'm kind of bored. Don't get me wrong; I have plenty to do but I don't wanna (I'm still doing it regardless though). Good thing it's Friday! Not that it's particularly different than any other day of the week now, but at least the hubs will be home to hang out with me. The dogs just lay around. A lot. Case in point. Also, have you ever seen a dog lay like that? How is that comfortable? I think he was laying on his belly and then flopped over. What a rough life. 2. On my first week, I've cleaned out the spare bedroom/office and my husband's closet. We won't talk about his closet (yikes!), but I found some awesome old things that kids these days would scratch their heads at like these floppy disks (which I always thought were beeeeautiful colors) and ginormous point and shoot cameras (yes, one is digital...perhaps the first ever). 3. Yes, if you caught that, I don't share my closet with my hubs. He's relegated to the spare bedroom. This is also because he wakes up at what seems like 3 am to go to work (I think it's actually 4:45, but that's reallllly early).
4. My new desk is in front of the window that looks out onto the street, so I love that I get to be the nosy neighbor and peer down on what people are doing. Creepy? Nah! Right now my neighbor is fighting with his garage door. It's a little (read a lot) off kilter. I think he just yelled at it...totally something I would do. 5. Please oh please tell me you've seen these. Every time I laugh out loud and have to wipe tears away, especially on numbers 3, 5, 10, 11, 18, 20, 24, and pretty much all of them. Warning...totally NSFW. This is the third time I've read the site, and it's still the best. thing. ever. 6. In the same day, I got a new iPhone (I had a droid) and computer with a new confusing operating system. I had to lay down because the confusion was too much to take. 7. I still have no idea how to work the computer...definitely not even close to its full potential. Or quarter potential. On a brighter note, I have finally abandoned Internet Explorer because it wasn't saving my passwords. Grrr. Hello full-time Firefox! 8. What cool apps should I download for the iPhone? 9. Have you taken down your Christmas tree yet? It's on our list of things to do tomorrow. Sad but ready to get the house back to normal. 10. What are your resolutions? I wanna hear! Mine are based around my blog (be more successful--get more readers--post more often--take better pictures) and my in-home bakery (be more successful--get more customers--make more money). Plus I have lots of ideas for random projects floating around in my head. 1. I've mentioned that I've had to stay away from coverage of the shooting. But I've heard about this on Facebook, and I wanted to watch it. So I did and I cried. It's very touching. 2. In the past two weeks, I've used about 15 dozen eggs, 100 pounds of flour, and 75 pounds of sugar. And a lot of butter. I didn't keep track of the butter. It was probably around 50 pounds. 3. Thank God I haven't eaten much of what I've made. 4. I have about 20 pounds of leftover fudge because I can't do math apparently. I'm really not sure what I'm going to do with that. 5. They say there's a big storm moving into Colorado tomorrow. I'm not quite sure why they're making it into a big thing because it's only 3-5 inches (or less). That's really nothing. 6. What are you guys doing for Christmas? My in-laws are coming out for a week, and I'm excited! We're renting a cabin in the mountains for a couple of days. I need a break from reality for a bit. 7. I've done loads and loads of dishes every single day. My hands are completely wrecked. My knuckles are dry, cracked, and bleeding. My hands are also burned because I'm clumsy and can't keep myself from touching a hot pan or oven rack. I am a hot mess.
8. In case things get busy beforehand...have a Merry Christmas!! I hope it's relaxing and fun! 1. I am single-handedly buying every WalMart in the area out of marshmallow cream. I have to make 28 batches of fudge, and that requires two large jars per batch (or 4 small jars). In other news, my guest bedroom is full of marshmallow cream. Or is it creme? 2. Why can't I buy marshmallow cream at Sam's Club? I neeeed this. Also, why do different Sam's Clubs sell different things? I shouldn't have to go to two different ones to buy everything I need. So annoying. 3. Have you seen the Cam Newton commercial for the NFL's Play 60 campaign? OMG. I die. Every time. That kid takes it to a new level. 4. Is anyone else super obsessed with noises their car makes? I swear that every noise I hear means that my car will collapse in the middle of the road. Generally, I fight off the panic by turning up my radio. 5. Speaking of panic, I have to make about 8000 cookies and 150 pounds of fudge in the next two weeks. I might be slightly exaggerating on the cookies, but I wish I was on the fudge. 6. So, to help my panic level, we bought a new fridge! It's a beauty. I'm going to name her Big Bertha because she's huge. It's one with the freezer on the bottom, so that'll be a fun change. The old fridge is going into the garage. Yay for storage space! 7. I messed up last year and started listening to Christmas music a week before Christmas. Consequently, I was super bummed when it was over. So this year I'm all in...my favorite are the traditional hymns over the jingle bell stuff. I adore Oh Holy Night. 8. One 2.5 more weeks until the shortest day of the year! It's all uphill from there thankfully. I hate short days. 9. The weather forecast on Sunday is a high of 25 degrees. It's 70 degrees today. I think Colorado is bipolar. It should just decide to be hot. Everyone would be much happier...or I would at least. 10. This is a picture I took in Lyon, France. Can't you tell those are French geese? Maybe if they had cigarettes coming out of their beaks...I swear that everyone smokes over there! 11. I need to switch away from Internet Explorer because nothing works on it anymore. But I'm hesitant...mainly because all my passwords and stuff are stored over there (please don't come steal my computer). So, convince me to switch. Go!
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The Family RamblingsHere's a peek into my life outside of food. |